Dear Kallos: A non-Christian guy recently confessed his feelings to me. How do I tell him that I don’t want to be his girlfriend because he is not a Christian?

Issue 46  //  ·  · 

A non-Christian guy recently confessed his feelings to me. He is a nice guy, but how do I tell him that I don’t want to be his girlfriend because he is not a Christian? – Lover-of-Christ

dear Lover-of-Christ,

Committing to someone in a relationship is a big step, and I’m glad you have decided that you want to be with someone who shares the same belief in Christ. Personally, being a “nice guy” doesn’t cut it for me. There are many nice guys out there. The question when finding a life partner is this: who can weather the journey of life with me, having Christ as the anchor amidst the sunshine and storms?

Before diving in, be prepared that having this conversation may lead to potential awkward moments, but don’t fret. Standing by what you believe in and communicating it in love makes all the difference.

To start off, not everyone will understand why being together with a Christian guy is important to you. Some may even see you as being exclusive or self-righteous, or some may accuse you of “making a fuss” or tell you it doesn’t really matter. The truth is, it does matter. Second Corinthians 6:14 tells us that we should “not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” (ESV) which, when applied to romantic relationships, upholds the ideal of choosing the right partner to journey with, spurring each other to grow in Christ-likeness so as to bring glory to God. This would not be possible with a non-Christian (or even a lukewarm Christian, for that matter!). At the heart of it, our relationships can shape or break us, so having a relationship that is anchored in Christ matters.

The non-Christian guy may not understand your position. And that’s okay. You do your part. Firstly, share openly and honestly about why Christ is such a big part of your life and your decisions. Perhaps this may be a good opportunity to ask your friend to consider getting to know who Christ is for himself. This should be a decision he comes to apart from you. Remember that you may not be the one to bring your non-Christian guy friend to Christ (so don’t try to be his saviour), but you may be the first step to him coming to know Christ.

Secondly, understand that even if you and this guy share similar values, good values are not the same as faith in Jesus. When we walk with Jesus, our whole worldview and life perspective shifts and our lives are devoted to Christ alone. Even with the same values, if both your lives are not aligned with Christ in the centre, it will eventually become a huge issue in the relationship.

Don’t be afraid to have these tough conversations. Keep walking faithfully with God and let His Spirit guide you into all truth (John 16:13).

Alina Teo
I am a mother of two littles. Some things that I love — vintage florals, mountains, cooking, sewing and writing. I have a heart for the broken and I take comfort in knowing that Christ can be our hope.