My earliest memory of primary school was coming home from school, hiding in my room, and doing my homework. Nobody forced me to do it — I just really wanted to do well! Throughout my schooling years, I always put in my hundred percent. I was satisfied with the fruit of my results, and felt like I was in control of my grades as long as I put in the hard work.
Ever since I was a child, I knew that I wanted to be a lawyer when I grew up. In junior college, I worked hard with the single-minded purpose of getting into law school. When the ‘A’ Level results were released, I had gotten straight As!
“God is opening the door to law school for me. I am walking in His will,” I thought.
I applied for law school in two universities in Singapore, and went for interviews and entry exams in all the local universities. I also applied for a degree in communication studies in another university, as a ‘back up option’ that I did not put much thought into. When the rejection letters from both law schools came, I was crushed.
I remember the night of the second rejection email well. I was crying and felt a sense of worthlessness. At the time, I was obsessed with having control over my studies and my life. When that was taken away from me, I felt hopeless and desperately anxious. I did not know any other option except law school, and could see no future but the one I had envisioned for myself as a lawyer. In my disappointment, I questioned God’s goodness toward me.
While I was still coping with the rejections, I received an offer for communication studies, along with an invitation for a chat with the faculty dean. I was offered a bondless scholarship, which would cover my school fees and provide an allowance. I was immediately rebuked and humbled! A mere few days ago, I had wondered if God was good, and He, in His good mercy, provided me with an alternative that was more abundant than I could imagine. I was humbled because I was so focused on my own will, that I did not rest in the truth that God is good, regardless of the outcome, and that He would provide, though it sometimes does not take the shape and form that I expected.
This was a crucial spiritual lesson for me in my life, and I pray that I will always remember His benefits and goodness when I face trials in the future!
