Dear Kallos: How do I know if I’m over a break-up/my ex?

Issue 45  //  ·  ·  · 

How do I know if I’m over a break-up/my ex? There are times when I think I’m over it, but there are days when I think I’m still hung up on him. – Unsure

dear Unsure,

Our emotions after a break-up can be very tricky. At times, we feel all right, and at other times, we feel like our world is crashing down on us again. Sometimes, we may wonder why God even gave us all these messy feelings in the first place.

The ability to feel these emotions is a gift, reminding us that we are humans who are capable of experiencing deep joys but also great pains. I know it isn’t easy dealing with these feelings, but take heart! God is with you in your sadness and He will guide you through it. You just have to ask.

Moving on from a break-up can be very difficult. Perhaps, instead of asking how you know if you are over your break-up, a more important question to ask is this: Why did the relationship end? If the relationship was not a godly one, or if you both had certainty that God was leading the relationship to an end, then you have the certainty to proceed in your decision. Sometimes, we may be so clouded by good memories that we can’t see what is really happening before us.

A second question would be this: Do you want to get over and move on from this relationship? If the answer is yes, then stick to your decision no matter how you feel on different days. People deal with break-ups differently, so if you feel like you’re taking longer than others to get over yours, don’t compare yourself with how long others seem to take. Take the time you need to grieve the end of the relationship, and then take the necessary steps to move on, such as stopping communication lines with your ex and catching yourself when your thoughts begin to wander to the possibility of starting something again. Soon, your feelings will follow. Get the support of your friends to hold you accountable and check in with you on difficult days.

If you are unsure about the break-up, continue to pray and ask God where He is taking this relationship. Talk to a leader in church whom you trust and allow her to guide you through this difficult time. Godly advice is so important, because we often can’t see the blind spots in our relationships. Having someone to walk with you would be very helpful.

Feelings are real, but they aren’t always good indicators of what we should do. God understands how you feel, and He is your comforter. Second Corinthians 1:3 tells us that our God is a “God of all comfort”, so entrust yourself to Him and rest in Him. God holds you close and you are never alone in your heartbreak (Ps 34:18).

Don’t be disheartened, sister! Let God be your source of comfort and peace. Let this journey be one of maturing and growth as you choose to seek God above all else.

Alina Teo
I am a mother of two littles. Some things that I love — vintage florals, mountains, cooking, sewing and writing. I have a heart for the broken and I take comfort in knowing that Christ can be our hope.

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