Dear Kallos: Should girls who desire to date take active steps to pursue a relationship with a guy?

Issue 43  //  ·  ·  · 

Dear Kallos, should girls who desire to date take active steps to pursue a relationship with a guy? How do you show your interest in a guy without being too flirtatious? – Desiring-to-date

dear Desiring-to-date,

In a world that tells us to date until we find the right one, it isn’t easy to choose to trust God for a right guy at the right time. Before delving deeper into your question, I need to state that desiring to date and being ready to date (given your age or season in life) are two different things altogether! If you are ready to date, this advice is for you. If you are not, this advice is also for you, but to be kept away until the time is right.

Some say that girls should never ask a guy out, while others think it is acceptable. Without trying to take sides, I think the heart of the matter is really this: where does your trust lie? Thoughts like, “What if I’m left on the shelf?” or “What if I don’t find Mr. Right?” can float round our minds, and more often than not, we just want to take things into our own hands. Let’s say there is a guy you are interested in and can see yourself dating, but he doesn’t seem to be making a move. The first question that you can ask yourself is, “Do I trust God with this potential new relationship without having to ‘make something happen’ myself?” Trust in God’s good timing. Give yourself the chance to get to know the guy better, and to let him get to know you better too!

There are ways of showing interest in a godly and appropriate way without coming across as flirtatious. Being flirtatious means behaving with the intention to attract another sexually through words, actions, or body language. This is something that we want to stay away from, as it doesn’t guard our purity of heart and can harm the faith of others.

Spending time with the guy you are interested in within group settings is a great way to get to know him better. How a person is like when they’re with friends is often a good indicator of how they truly are. You can also build a connection with him by initiating conversations with the guy or attending gatherings where he might be (but do let COVID-19 settle down first!). A simple gesture like organising group activities that involve him can also be a way of indicating your interest wisely.

At the end of the day, remember your worth in Christ. No guy can make you worth more than you already are by getting together with him!

Alina Teo
I am a mother of two littles. Some things that I love — vintage florals, mountains, cooking, sewing and writing. I have a heart for the broken and I take comfort in knowing that Christ can be our hope.

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