dear In need of love,
Thank you for your honesty and initiative in asking this question! Many young women grow up with an ideal guy in mind and long for the day when they can have a boyfriend, so you are definitely not alone. Firstly, I would like to encourage you to pick up a copy of Issue 29, where Gwen shares her similar struggle of battling loneliness in her singlehood and the precious lessons God has taught her in her teens and twenties.
Secondly, perhaps the way love has been portrayed on social media, the Internet, movies and dramas has given us an overly idealised image of love. The couple always ends up together and then the show ends, presumably leaving them to their “happily ever after”. They do not portray the hard work of building a relationship, which includes managing expectations, communication, sacrifice, and even reconciling after hurting one another through misunderstandings and quarrels.
Many of the couples I know would be quick to share that a relationship is not always the rosy picture they imagined it to be. It takes two happy, secure and independent people to make a relationship work. Someone once explained it to me in this way:
½ x ½ = ¼. But, 1 x 1 = 1. Two people who are not whole do not make each other whole. Rather, they often drain each other and keep on taking from each other, giving themselves only a fraction of what could have been a thriving relationship.
So, my encouragement to you is this: rather than seeing a boyfriend as “The One” who will make you complete and whole, focus your energies on finding your identity and security in Christ. Find Christian friends or leaders who will walk with you on this journey. Meditate on passages in the Bible that remind you that your value is found in God. Join a ministry or find a way to serve God and people. Each time you are tempted to fantasise about a romantic or even sexual relationship, take out your phone and type out a prayer to God. Pray that He will give you strength to love Him and worship Him more, and pray for Him to give you a godly future husband that will put Him first as well.
You can also write out a list of qualities you want to see in your ideal guy and share it with a trusted friend. Have a good conversation about what is truly important and realistic, and adjust your list accordingly. You could even create a list to see what qualities you want to see in yourself before you think you are ready for a mature relationship. God is the giver of good gifts (Jas 1:17; Luke 11:5–13), and He is a good Father. He knows your desires and what is best for you. You can trust that He is good, He loves you, and He is in control. No matter what lies ahead, whether you remain single or get attached, know that you are precious not because a guy says so or makes you feel that way, but because you are precious to the One who chose to love and create you.
