dear Single & Wondering,
When I was in university, I remember wondering the same thing. Since then, I’ve seen many girls in the same situation, often feeling like the odd one out or thinking that something might be wrong with them because they are single. That saddens me, because no matter whether you are single or attached, you should celebrate the season of life God has given to you. I truly believe that singlehood and marriage should both be celebrated! Singlehood is a wonderful time to discover more about who God has made you to be and marriage is a beautiful reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church.
There are so many good things about being single! There is a greater freedom to explore new areas of interests without needing to consider another person’s preferences. For certain ministries (e.g. those that involve travelling to places with treacherous conditions), only singles are able to perform such tasks without fearing they are endangering their children. In the Bible, there are numerous singles, like Paul and many of the twelve disciples, who were mightily used by God. No matter whether you are single or married, your life is a gift from God, so use it wisely!
With each season of life comes its own set of challenges. Don’t believe the lies like being single means you are not loved as much or that you need to strive more. Don’t be entrapped by these untruths. Enjoy singlehood and maximise it for God’s glory! Who knows where God will lead you as you place your trust in Him!
dear Girl-Friend,
I love your question! The question of platonic relationships is a real struggle for some. Personally, I don’t think there is a clear no or yes to this question. But I do believe that there are clear boundaries and motivations that need to be addressed when such a relationship surfaces. It is crucial to remember that what goes on in a girl’s head is vastly different from that of a guy. What a girl sees as “nothing” might be “something” to the guy and vice versa. Platonic relationships, or so they are called, may be possible at first, but often feelings develop unintentionally in either party, even if both swear there is nothing going on initially. In fact, a study conducted on this topic showed that guys were much more likely to be attracted to a female friend than the other way round in a “platonic” friendship, and only a small handful of people truly have platonic relationships that remain so.
As such, even if it is possible for you to be best friends with a guy, it may not be possible for the guy to just be best friends with you (though he may paint it that way). I know, guy-girl relationships can be so complicated!
This is what I feel is the baseline: Consider the other before self. Ask yourself: Will being close to this guy possibly stumble him? Are you choosing to honour the other person in your thoughts and actions?
If you do find yourself struggling to answer these questions, do talk to your leaders and close friends as well. Perhaps they would be able to shed light from an outsider’s perspective and point out what you cannot see.
At the end of the day, our choices and decisions have an impact on others and our own lives. Make decisions in light of what would delight God and what would most honour the other party, even if it’s not something we would prefer!
