Dear Kallos: When God Created Sex, Did He Include BDSM?

Recently, I decided to buy some books recommended by my friends. Only upon reading did I realise there were many explicit sexual references in the books. That made me wonder: when God created sex, did He include BDSM? It sounds so weird! Also, is it all right to read such literature or does it count as pornography due to images conjured up in the mind? – Curious

dear Curious,

Thank you for being so open and honest with difficult issues like these! God speaks of sex as a beautiful act within the sacredness of marriage, which in turn reflects the committed and loving relationship between Christ and the Church. Therefore, sex is good. But humans, in our fallen nature, have corrupted what is meant for good to serve our selfish pleasures instead. For those unsure about what BDSM is, it is a sexual act that involves bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. It is essentially a corrupted version of sex that includes elements that have no place within a loving relationship. Incest and sex with children or animals are even worse corruptions of sexual desire and relationships that God intended for good. Thus, our stand is that God did not intend for BDSM when He created sex, but it is a result of our fallen world.

When reading any sort of literature, we need to guard our minds and our hearts. Philippians 4:8 (ESV) exhorts us, “whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

What we choose to fill our minds with shapes us. Literature with explicit sexual content inevitably conjures up mental images and fantasies that often set up false expectations of sex and distorts God’s original purpose for sex within marriage. 1 Corinthians 6:18–20 reminds us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, so we should glorify God with our bodies — this includes keeping our thought lives pure. Reading literature that prematurely awakens or twists sexual desires is not wise; it causes us to be tempted to sin and leads us to disappointment. We encourage you to be discerning with your choice of literature. Steer yourself in the right direction toward godliness and holiness!

My good friend and I are in different secondary schools. After we started Secondary 1 last year, she was very clingy and needy. It was quite annoying, so I ended up ignoring her for a while. Now she is not speaking to me anymore. I don’t know what to do because I still consider her a good friend. What should I do? – Unfriended

dear Unfriended,

We’re sorry to hear how things have turned out! Entering a new phase of life is challenging. Perhaps your friend was lonely in her new environment and you were the only friend she felt she could turn to. She probably felt hurt when you ignored her, as it might have seemed like you don’t care.

Consider writing her a letter or giving her a call, assuring her that you do care. Give her time to come round, too. True friendships aren’t always easily formed, so don’t give up on them! We pray that God will restore the friendship in His good time.

Alina Teo
I am a mother of two littles. Some things that I love — vintage florals, mountains, cooking, sewing and writing. I have a heart for the broken and I take comfort in knowing that Christ can be our hope.